Communicare

I have just passed my exam on communication theory. Passed. Was very happy to do so. And because of that decided to write something non related to Korean affairs directly.

It is one of those exams in life a person into humanities - like me - has to take and it also touches a lot of very controversial issues.

It says, for example, that there are male and female ways of communication. You are female in communication (even if you are a guy - discovered that in due process of studying) if you are chaotic, your thoughts unclear, and emotions most important. There are guys like that.

Ironically I really grew worried when I had one by one checked male ways of communication. Logical, clear, sorted out, chronological, prefers shorter sentences, etc. After many years I understood that due to some suppressed feelings I behaved this way due to fear that if I express my emotions they will not be valid for anyone. It was easier to fall into Aspergers spectrum. Now I give myself right to cry and right for this to be valid.  

The more I read on the book the more I think Mrozowski is right.

There are indeed male and female communication competencies, but successful in communication are those with mixed abilities.

Successful communication is a key to success in our business and in our private life. What makes it successful? First comes the intention - what and why do I really communicate? Then comes the partner in the interaction- the receiver- have I secured proper conditions and circumstances to be understood well? Then the content- it has to be truthful, just, and important. Message should be kept short. Noone likes too long speeches and not because we are stupid but because we may lose the merit.

Communication is at the basis of every human interaction. It enables interpretation of codes and values, ways of conduct, and also helps to express ourselves properly. From words to a relationship of any kind there is only a short way.

Communication theory summarized by Mrozowski teaches that there are ways to recognize what are the chances of successful relation of any kind, be it business partnership, friendship, relationship or a bond.

At first involvement into interaction has to be equal, goals the same, values simmilar and simmilar way of interpreting the reality around (the most important in romantic interest).

But this works into any kind of relation. The basic condition is that it has to be equal and honest. And there are also means of communication accurate in every type of interaction. We use different ways in business friendship, different in private one, different to a superior in the university, different to your collegues, and different to your girlfriend. If you receive the same and in the simmilar way, extent and amount, you have big chances to grow into a bond with time, or keep a successful interaction of any type.

Unsuccessful interactions are when involvement, engagement of two parties is unequal. That quickly leads to miscommunication and in a result- confrontation. One which may be a catharsis both in positive and negative way.

So if you have doubts if you communicate well with your surroundings, get a sheet of A4 size and draw yourself in the middle. Then in each corner write: Casual Interactions (lady in the shop), Relations ( business associates, and other collegues of all sorts), Relationships (all joyful and more close interactions with people you have), Bonds (usually here are your real friends, not those who are only "friends" on facebook, your closest mentally people of kin, and if you are lucky your parents, siblings and your husband, wife). Later try to group all of people you know into these categories and try to go into their shoes and see if you consider it equal. If you don't, try to judge what causes it. And talk about it! Maybe you neglect someone, maybe someone neglects you.

When talking, active listening is important. Active listening is when the attention is given to the partner in interaction.

Also last but not least, a very important issue is that we are always received by our partners in interaction not entirely. Only part of our "self" is received properly. The rest is the set of schemes, stereotypes, codes of interpretation and prejudices of our partner. A slender dynamic brunette might be classified as potentially aggressive by some and potentially energetic and friendly by others.

What about non verbal communication? Here is where I fall short, I do not interpret it at all. I do not analyse the way a person looks at me. Words and actions matter and it matters if they fall into logical line of consequences where I can easily categorize them into proper boxes - welcome into Aspergers world.

But if you are completely normal, you are lucky - you will probably look into somebody's eyes and properly decode the meaning of sight. 

At the core, what connects us all in the World, wether we are Polish, German, Korean or Indian or whoever else, we all want to be happy.

This simple fact makes life easier. We have the same goal.